As always im still stumped about my religion. I believe in it. I know He is always there, an Omniscient presence watching over my family and I. Yet I feel like He is something beautiful I see in the corner of my eye and once I turn to look at it, it disappears immediately. I wish I could find a way to make that reality stay. Im really confused. Morality and religion. What makes one a good Muslim? What is even the definition of a muslim? How do you determine whether God thinks you are a Muslim or not? I believe in Islam and I think it is the religion for mankind but some things still stump me and I feel like I’m running around in circles chasing my own tail. Inside an endless mazelike labyrinth of possibilities and hopes. I am lost.
I still think Islam in today’s context has been misinterpreted. I think the jurists nowadays suck big time and the sly demons; misguided Orientalists of the West have reduced Islam to an arcane, mythical religion founded on the roots of barbarism. I think Islam nowadays, the Islam that MOST Muslims see and practice has fragments of the original religion mixed with the tainted aspects of the West’s meddling in it. Who knows maybe the stuff we take to heart have been misinterpreted and manipulated by those cunning enemies of real Islam.
Sometimes I think of the Planet of the Apes. How all the apes tried so hard to suppress the human beings because they knew that humans were the real masters of the world and they feared them. Because they knew the truth, that they were inferior once and humans ruled- the truth is hard to accept. Maybe Islam is like that too. Wait correction, I KNOW ISLAM is like that. It isn’t about old men in beards and moustaches reciting verses from the Quran they barely even understand. It is not about those who follow the ritualistic aspects of Islam being superior to the ones who actually might have the brains to begin to grasp what real Islam might be about. True rituals are important but I think the whole concept has been turned upside down and instead of focusing on the essence of Aqidah, they are focusing on the physical, ritualistic aspect which is important too but rather ineffective without belief. And humans are not robots. They are creatures of reason and emotion and I think the truth is that Muslims nowadays do not know how to appeal to those fundamental aspects of the human soul anymore. It has become rank and stale like a beautiful room gone to waste; that has not been aired or maintained properly. If Islam were a house, the Prophet would weep to see the state Islam is in today. I don’t think there exists any scholar today who can properly portray what Islam is all about…To revolutionize the entire way of Islamic thinking. It reminds me of Atlantis the animated movie where Atlantis was once a great advanced nation with impressive technology but its later generations no longer knew how to make use of the massive amount of resources left to them.
I hate it when I’m forced to believe things as they are just because they’ve always been that way. I need proof to support my belief. I don’t just believe in a religion just because I was born into it. I know I haven’t done enough research to even begin to understand the wealth of my religion. But I know for a fact, with the faculties of thinking vested in me, that Islam is undoubtedly the way of life our Creator has intended for us. Because it is in line with our very intrinsic nature. It is not harmful to life and us. In fact it is pervasive, like a deep, deep underground river, always present but out of sight and flowing powerfully. It doesn’t go against the rocks, it shapes them and forms the awe inspiring landscapes we see around us. Nothing happens without reason or purpose.
For example, the many aspects of Islam that are so beautiful and perfectly moulded for humanity and the sanctity of the thing we call our soul, are often sidetracked and swept under the rug in favour of annoying debates over topics that should not even be an issue in the first place-whether a girl who doesn’t wear a headscarf would go to hell or not. Whether all non Muslims would end up in hell because they do not profess and verbally express the Shahadah. In the first place who are the Muslims nowadays to determine whether the so called non Muslims would go to hell? What makes YOU think you are in a perfect state of Muslim-hood to judge other people who might not have been fortunate enough to be born into truth. If that is the case, if non Muslims were all to end up in hell regardless of their deeds, just because they did not verbally express the Shahadah and live a strictly “Muslim” lifestyle, then why should us so called Muslims not be equally responsible for propagating the truth to the these people? If we fail in our duty to represent the truth in a good image, as what it is, how then can we blame the non-believers from believing? So my reasoning is this, if we ourselves cannot portray the image of Islam properly- as what it is, as a mercy to mankind- how can we call ourselves “Muslims”? So you see in my opinion, the definition of who is or is not a Muslim should be left entirely to God. In the meantime, you try to abide by the rules and apply it to your life as best as you can and hope that God is actually more merciful than those white beards make Him out to be. That’s all I can say for now.
There are countless “non-Muslims” who have contributed way more to humanity than a ragged mat rempit “Muslim” wastrel ever is capable of doing. All those scientists dedicated to finding cures for incurable diseases and the Christian doctors risking their lives in war torn Palestine to save the victims of Israel’s cruel massacre-what of them? The very fact that they are able to compete on a fair ground with “Muslims”…does it not show that God is just and fair? That He has a masterplan for every individual. And it is up to us to use our brains to see the Truth that’s been lying smack between our eyes all along.