shabby blog

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Bubbles and cyanide: a paradox?

I wish to go back to the days when a bubble blown with care free thoughts glistened in the sun and made my day. I yearn for the days when I never failed to be enraptured by the dewy beauty of roses. I envision past days of listless lying on the sofa and thinking how big everything around me is. And being excited when a familiar, beloved face made loving noises and coo-ed my name...I wish i was a child again. No one can ever perceive the world through a child's eyes. It strips the hypocrisy, pain, falsehoods, dogma and unnecessary lays the world bare, an artist's impression of the reality as it is without prejudice-true to its primal existence.

This bareness is exhilarating, breath taking,like shards of truth slicing hard into flesh yet the child's dimensions allow only receptory sensations akin to the soft purr of velvet against skin. Truth and clarity are fresh faced visitors welcomed with tiny embracing arms smudged with crayons and mud. Peace is a permanent resident, requiring no visas, taxes or any of those tiresome government documents to verify it's content lodging in the sunny dell of mirth. Curiosity is at its peak;it fledges its magnificent wings and is soon airborne amidst fluffy white clouds and a slowly shuffling seascape of cotton waves and silver sand dunes. Nothing ever lost its spark, a frog pond, a ribbon wrapped over an ancestor's memorabilia of love gone but not lost, a brown paper bag with a bulging peanut butter and jelly sandwich sealed off with mom's kisses. It does not feel the pain so addictive in the adult's world where narcissism and self hate go hand in hand, justified into daily human norm by Freud and others.

The harsh ambiance of the stark adult's world has no time or patience for the child's world. If the child's world and the adult's world were to collide, the adult's world would shrink in hostility into a brooding black hole, a cornered mangy dog starved of love, beaten and trampled on to fulfill the manifestation of its name. Yet it would remain, a gaping wound on the gradients of innocence and happiness yet to be tainted with materialism. I can imagine the wound throbbing and thrashing like a speared eel awaiting its sombre death on a spit fire. Soon the mists of confusion would seep out, a cyanide genocide of every child's Once-upon-a-time....

Things I've been craving(and it's not chocolate)

1) A new handbag
2) Perfume-miss dior cherie
3) Fiberwig mascara
4) The entire twilight series
5) Gossip girls season 1 and 2
6) Heroes season 3
7) Wide leg jeans from Naf Naf & awesomely cute top from Miss Selfridge
8) Frames from Ikea and a new bulletin board
9) A job(tough luck)
10)The perfect accessories to go with an LBD
11)Bubble blower + soap
12)More money
13)Post paid credit so i can call my friends anytime i want and talk
14)Sign up for the creative writing course for the heck of it
15)Sign up for rock climbing
16)Hit the beach
17)A charmbracelet
18)An ipod
19)Gladiator sandals
20)Edward Cullen
21)Edward Cullen(again)
22)An automated room cleaner
23)My own personalized Happy Tree Friend stuffed toy(preferably capable of becoming real and smashing Strawberry Cupcake theme song crooners to death)
24)That Audrey Hepburn book from MPH
25)All the Audrey movies i haven't watched
16)Books by Leo Tolstoy
17)A guitar
18)A large canvass and acrylic paint+beautiful scenery

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson

"Readers who take Williamson's words to heart risk developing lives regarded as eccentric."-anonymous

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson

These lyrics completely reflect what I feel about cheap come ons!

If you can afford me by Katy Perry

If you want me, a cherry on top, the pick of the peck,
The crème de la crop.
If you want me you better do better than that tonight.
Oh, Oh.
If you want me, it takes more than a wink,
And more than a twink and more than you think.
If you want me you're gunna have to break the bank, tonight.
Cuz some don't have the patience, some call me high-maintenance
But you pay the bill, cuz, that's the deal.

If you wanna ride, just name your price don't play cheap, with your heart
Don't make a bet if you can't write the check, for me, for me.
Cuz I can be bought, but you'll pay the cost
If you can afford me

If you want me, I'm not a piece of ass, a one night stand, a storage ship
I think you better walk by, tonight
Oh, no.
If you want me, then stop begging I don't put out for charity
If you want me there's no discount price tonight
But I don't need your dollar bills I just want something real
Cuz, nothing's free, except a lovin' me

If you wanna ride, just name your price don't play cheap, with your heart
Don't make a bet if you can't write the check, for me, for me.
Cuz I can be bought, but you'll pay the cost
If you can afford me

If you want me, a cherry on top,
The pick of the peck, the crème de la crop

If you wanna ride, just name your price don't play cheap, with your heart
Don't make a bet if you can't write the check, for me, for me.
Cuz I can be bought, but you'll pay the cost
If you can afford -

If you wanna ride, just name your price don't play cheap, with your heart
Don't make a bet if you can't write the check, for me, for me.
Cuz I can be bought, but you'll pay the cost
If you can afford me...

Fine maybe I'm not your average girl that desperately needs a guy to survive and function. One could even say I'm too proud for my own good. I know I won't settle for a second rate Joe or an insecure Jerk seeking to boost his ego when know I deserve the best. But mostly, it's because I'm sick of the stupid mass media culture that dictates and ordains that one needs to have multiple boyfriends and needs a boyfriend to make the poor single girl's life more "whole". I think it's crap.

It'd rather die single or shag a sheep if the last human being on earth were a guy that I found distasteful. Ok fine maybe not the sheep shagging part but you get my drift right? I'm sick of good girls with substance and brains being reduced to dim witted feather headed ninnies in order to impress and nail some bloke who can hardly hold a decent conversation.

I do admit there are times when I do feel lonely and feel that being in a relationship might be the safest,warmest cocoon ever. But I'm quite stubborn when it comes to stuff like this. No amount of loneliness is going to compel me to couple up with a guy I couldn't imagine myself dating. It would be pointless,crude and quite moronic.

It defeats the point of us being human if the very basis for us choosing a "mate" is to reproduce mindlessly like apes and dogs. Being human we have a choice. We have a choice of whether to let our primal instincts floor our higher intellect or try to pursue that higher epiphany that requires harder grit-the task of choosing someone you have a true connection and that elusive "spark" with...I don't fancy myself to be anything more than I am. But I do know what I want. And what I want is to be HUMAN, in the best way possible.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Pass it on to bloggers

1. Where is your cell phone?
on my desk~
2. Your mom?
5. Your father?
at work~
6. Your favorite thing?
my lappie~
7. Your dream last night?
8. Your dream/goal?
to find my purpose in life and do it well~
9. The room you're in?
my room~
10.Your hobby?
11.Your fear?
12.Where do you want to be in six years?
United Nations~
13.Where were you last night?
14.What you're not?
15.One of your wish list items?
a large canvass and acrylic paint~
16.Where you grew up?
17.The last thing you did?
McD Move it Meal~
18.What are you wearing?
19.Your T.V.?
20.Your pets?
all dead~
21.Your computer?
22.Your mood?
23.Missing someone?
24.Your car?
25.Something you're not wearing?
26.Favorite store?
funky boutiques~
27.Your Summer?
All year round~
28.Love someone?
29.Your favorite color?
30.When is the last time you laughed?
15 mins ago~
31.Last time you cried?
last week~

Friday, November 21, 2008

Anniversaries and Blushing cherries

Had an awesome day today...first went and "worked" or rather observed the trade of jewelry selling and negotiations and what not at my aunt's bling stall "Ruby Belles" at the Klcc Convention Centre's Jewelry Exhibition.Here my aunt had secured herself a cozy little stall situated comfortably near the massage machines(ahhh the luxury!), chic little cafe for customers and VIP toilets that they never intended for a lost little 20 year old girl in a bellowing mustard yellow dress and light blue jeans to use as her make up touch up base. Hahha. I learned loads and wads and dollops of new "ilmu" or knowledge I'd thought wasn't that hard to grasp( gemology) but which proved very trying...The result was that at the end of the day I sat in bespectacled awe at my aunt's prowess in navigating the risky waters of gem business filled with demanding and eccentric customers. Usually Chinese,Female, Wrinkled, Old and with a Bad Case of Hairstyling gone horribly wrong and every now and then speckled with a good dose of passionate customers on the lookout for family heirlooms. Then there was the Indian lady who insisted she was a "gemologist" and resorted to biting my aunt's rare South Sea Pearls between her nasty yellow teeth before my aunt could stop her or before I could reverse my automatic fake puking action... And then there were the flawless beauties...mysterious, powerful young women with enough drive and ambition to drive a life coach nuts and stomp on his own hypocrisies.

My aunt Zar Zar was such a sweetie. She was madly busy and in the awesomely professional way she conducted herself, one would never guess the strain and worry behind those smooth, pleasant features and energetic spring in her petite steps. One wouldn't know she was a mother of four young kids either unless she pulled out a wad of their photos as proof. She looked after me and gave me free reign to "decorate" and "exhibit" the jewelry...a colourful melee of sapphire, ruby,emerald,diamond, topaz,tomalin,jade,aquamarine and a hundred other gems crafted into bracelets,necklaces,pendants,rings,ear rings-you name it.

Then when i was sure i couldn't tear my eyes open any longer when the day wore late into the evening at around 6pm, my family came and whisked me away to this sumptuous restaurant in Bangsar Village called Delicious( where i pigged out big time and for once is not regretting it at all) to celebrate their 21st Wedding Anniversary. The ambience, food and service( the whole restaurant was filled with friendly Burmese a whom my mom knew-trust her to make the unlikeliest of contacts everywhere)really let us throw away our inhibitions and enjoy ourselves full out. I've never seen my parents look so happy enjoying the evening with us three clowns wedged between their ultimate right to privacy and some alone time. Oh well Au Revoir!Hahha.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Mind Blowing Ilustrations from Melissa Haslam

I AM SO DIGGING THESE PRINTS BY MELISSA HASLAM!!!!She is one raw talent...These are what my drawings would look like if i could draw as well as her!Check out more at She is currently my favourite illustrator. Her art revolves around romanticized, whimsical and yet slightly dark interpretations of the world.

Audrey Hepburn: Timeless Beauty

She's my timeless fashion icon. The epitome of a classic lady. From her demeanor right down to the gentle, creasing laugh lines and her twinkling eyes thrill with accents of gracefulness. And it's not forced. It's an innate thing.

Some Eye Candy: Cool Balm for Tired Visually Polluted Eyes

I love the stylish,sleek lines from these illustrations! Tres Chic!