Monday, April 27, 2009
I was just telling a good friend of mine how sitting for exams was excruciatingly like giving premature birth to an over weight baby with multiple disorders...n it's not even Caesarian period. Like u suffer, sweat,toil and bleed(mentally) and when you reach the operation theater which is the exam room you break out in cold sweat and seriously wonder if you can make it through in one whole piece,if you would be the same as you were before. Like a wrestler, the overweight tub of lard would take away a huge chunk of you if not your limbs(etc) followed by your fragile esteem. And once you've given birth to that obnoxious piece of obesity that is supposed to be your child but which you hate given the nature and way in which he was born( manifested through exams), you might find yourself even feeling a tad bad for the extreme dislike you had for it and maybe even start compensating for it by liking the baby
(once exams are over, it seems that much less scary so it's easier to not feel afraid). That is until the fatass grows into a full grown cottage cheesy whale of a depraved pimp that sticks knives in the door framing your head-which is the day the dreaded results come out.
The love hate relationship that i've had with my disgusting baby will hopefully end on the 28th at 5 pm which is tomorrow*shudders* But i will definitely go through much agony when i find out he has in fact turned into a fatass pimp despite my best efforts. Others get cherubic angels flitting around with rose scented congrat cards for results...and people like me get fatass pimps that hog the earth's space.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
I have't been majorly pissed off by anyone for quite a while. The culprit responsible for my anger fit is non other than my one of a kind, bratty sister Junior. Apart from feeling ashamed after a while of embroiling in a wordy duel with a 12 year old, i must give her the thumbs up(not to her face) for having the ability to rile me up this bad.
I kind of envy the maturity she has for her age, the intelligence and quick wit all wrapped up in a big blank ribbon of emotionlessness. That's one attribute that i crave...that is the very attribute that could have made me a swash buckling ass whopping debater but sadly im everything my sister isn't. If only i could have chaneled her emotionlessness and lack of response to every hurt filled word i would fling at her, im sure i would have won the novice debate 10 times over, hands down and been the best whip EVER. I am the most easily excitable, vessel of emotional energy i've ever seen. If emotion could be changed into fuel and electricity, the world would never be in want of these resources till doomsday.
I wish to God that i didn't have anger management problems and always a ready retort at the tip of my tongue to hurl back at any snide remark or insult thrown my way. If only i had my sister's lack of reactivity to such slights and instigations, i wouldn't find myself involved in wordy arguments with people more often than i'd like. But then again i can see how my sister would benefit from having a bit of fiery me in her. She's the rain to the scorching sun that i am but then again too much of one thing isn't good( gasp no surprise there).
If only our attributes were meshed together, im sure we could take over the world and i could set up my Baby Petting Zoo which is seen with a jaundiced eye by everyone and i usually get mumbles and gasps of "exploitation", " nazi" and " sadism". I just don't get some people. Where IS their creativity?? It's not like i could do it anyways and even if i did it'd make sure the BPZ did not run contrary to human rights or the Holy Quran! Such narrowmindedness does NOT help the world grow im afraid. Tsk tsk.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
You Are a Lynx
You are a quiet observer of the world around you. Your wisdom comes from listening carefully.
You've always been extra sensitive and aware. And it's made it difficult for you to fit in.
You see past people's outward personas. You are able to penetrate a stranger's soul.
What you've learned about people is both beautiful and ugly. And you keep these secrets to yourself.
Monday, April 6, 2009
I guess it is rather flattering to be envied. I guess im sometimes too idealistic in the sense that i think vices like jealousy and envy are abstract feelings that exist in the war of good and evil in fables and fairytales but woe betide me i've just come to the realization that this isn't true. It's been repeatedly splashing and clawing at my face...so many little nuances and examples that build up to make this giant, perfect tapestry screaming green monster green monster at me. But repeatedly i've denied it and refused to learn the skills expounded and spawned by Darwin's stupundoficious theory ostentatiously named " the survival of the fittest theory". What a load of bullshit. I mean its like saying "Hey we're animals. We need to honour our basest instincts. For our material survival without which our existence would be meaningless, it is justified to use every tool whether ethical or unethical, humane or inhumane, moral or immoral, good or bad as a means to an end."
So out goes values like humility,modesty and acceptance of one's own weaknesses and in comes(rudely shoving in, stepping on collective humanity's soul)aggressive, testosterone charged values like confidence and arrogance with no strings attached. Where things like bashing other people's self image to up yours a notch is seen as a norm and even encouraged and those who protest seen as weaklings, weirdos, misfits because they do not agree with the prevailing status quo of humanity's messed up psyche.
Maybe Im too idealistic. Maybe im too sensitive according to most people's standards but if being aware of things-like being receptive to others' feelings,dignity,humility,modesty and hurting when "good friends" stab you in the back because of the green eyed monster that you had no active hand in creating,is seen as a by product of over sensitive paranoia, then i do not want to belong to such a society. Because these values are what makes us different from the dog taking a crap on the roadside. Because these values are what makes us different from the cigar puffing, unscruplous conman waiting for his next hapless victim. Because these values are what makes us different from the diva in a room full of white lilies yelling orders to have every inch of the room revamped with red roses just because...
I'm not saying im perfect or that ive been free from jealousy or envy but at least i accept that its not right to leave it festering unchecked in one's mind. And i nip it in the bud. So far ive been able to do that. Because i think " Hey whatever that he/she excels in way better than me is his/her God given right and talent. So instead of despising it we should admire it because it is a manifestation of the Creator's omnipotency rather than hating it and regarding it as a magnification of one's own inadequacy in that aspect". I know there are times when i falter and its difficult to keep abreast of the jealousy but how could i ignore something that is so fundamental and true???
And remember what happened to Julius Caesar? He got too powerful(according to his peers) so he was killed and they hid behind a sly shroud of having done a service to Roman society by ridding it of a soon to be tyrant(which wasn't even proved). I think that if more people were aware of their station in life and held on to it firmly no matter how much more another person shines than them, they wouldn't feel so intimidated,inadequate(and therefore feel a need to put down that person) or scared because you know that you already have a very important and unique part to play in the fabric of time and the universe, just like every star that makes up the evening sky.
I LOVE THESE QUOTES:
Never waste jealousy on a real man: it is the imaginary man that supplants us all in the long run. ~George Bernard Shaw
Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own. ~Harold Coffin
Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them. ~Jennifer James
If envy were a fever, all the world would be ill. ~Danish Proverb
Envy slays itself by its own arrows. ~Author Unknown