Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Mellifluousness is abrasive to my ears
Im paranoid, sadistic, sarcastic, crass, difficult,hard headed,cold hearted,stubborn, hypocritical and cruel(stellar traits are they not?). I am everything you're not. And YOU would be the very definition of a normal person, a normal, successfull 21 year old law student with a ton of admirers,a steady boyfriend who simply dotes on her,who makes a flying leap into the Dean's List every year with the cherry on top being her proud,smiling,happy parents and who has life rooting for her in every other way ...unlike the subjective ME that's stuck in an equally subjective rut that i can't seem to worm myself out of. I'm stuck in a petri dish full of slashed hopes and realistic fears.
I want to be found. I want to live. I want to experience joy and find the meaning of life before i die. I dont want my life to be a worthless piece of randomosity. I want it to be a flowing tapestry with underground hints,scents and notes of mystery and allure and depth. I dont want to be a shallow cockle shell or a mandrake root with no end in sight. I want to wish upon stars and feel them rain down on me. Unrealistic much?