shabby blog

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Santa with a twist:spoiler for kids

If you actually think about it...there are so many things sneaky about good old Santa. I have no grudge against the jolly old thing-good soul,red cheeks,amiable overflowing rotund belly.

But lets just try looking at it from a different perspective. How can one feeble old man keep a "list" of the naughty and nice kids from all around the world? And what is he actually doing listing all their names. Fine maybe he's a Christmas spirit. That is endowed with heavenly abilities to acknowledge sainthood in wee kids. But lets just pretend he's human. Now THAT would be very disturbing.

I keep imagining a flabby old man with pedophile tendencies cooped up in a dark little run down apartment, surrounded by tubs of ice cream and flies buzzing over month old pizza looking for kids online. Stalking them...Brrrr...And Rudolph is his mangy,scrawny dog with a severe case of rabies that gets hysteric upon picking up trails of kids. My sister and I were creating a scenario when we were on the beach at PD a week ago that Santa was actually a mafia godfather and his right hand man,thugs were dwarfs(think little people big world) who got sour due to the Employment Agency's excellent skill in overlooking them for every post out there in the Big World.

They had a dirty,dilapitated factory where they poured wax,chemicals and plastic bottles from rubbish bins to make gorgeous,mouthwatering sweets which they sold in the blackmarket to conniving sweet shops that wanted more customers with cheap capital. They always evaded and passed health check authorities because there was never a single report of poisoning or death directly caused by the awful candies.
This was because Santa the Godfather and his Mafia Sweet-thugs would stalk and kidnap every kid that bought their Yummy Fake Candies and whenever they started going green or sitting up bolt upright and fainting like dead logs, Santa and cronies would abduct that kid coz he's been "naughtyyyy". Hhaha ok ok im getting carried away. So the conclusion is that the good kid is the fat one,the goat like one who is capable of eating like a cow and just poops the toxic stuff out and stays as healthy and sane as a fiddle. There! The conspiracy has been laid out in the open,the parcel of secrets have been opened!

And thats not all, imagine if one day Santa and his Chief Small Thug have a huge fight and the next day the CST's dead,bloated,ugly little body with that mischievous red cap not far off, was found floating in the nearby duck pool.Large bulging red eyes in a small,wrinkled,face,downturned mouth.

Torn by guilt and remorse at having killed his best friend and wing man, Santa withdraws into a deep,perverse depression. Which brings us back to the flabby old guy stalking kids on his flickering computer screen...Kids beware....You better not cry for in the dead of the night, out of your beds you,he will pry...


JujuMcMuffin said...

hahahahah! nice one! and it sounds so true! ---> O_o :)

EzzE (fb) said...

Oh no.. You've successfully tainted the purity and innocence of christmas.. What next? The easter bunny being a whore in a costume?? But then u have a point. Ever wondered why children always sit on his LAP??.......

Ponder about that for a moment..:P Good one tho. lol

nge said...

I would like to put this wonderful post under the category of Satire.
You can not deny the fact that all the Children love Santa, and all of them believe that Santa is a real being until one day they will find out that is part of the multi billion Dollar business related to X Mas.
Don't you think that billions of children were and are cheated by those who want to make money from the Santa phenomena and the commercialized Christmas.